Homesick for Heaven

I was explaining to a friend the other day what I mean when I talk about being homesick for heaven.  It's something I have a difficult time explaining, but here was my at-one-a.m-in-the-morning attempt.

"I've always had the desire to believe that life is more than what exists on a physical plane, and so I'm always searching for those kinds of richly felt experiences in which I sense feelings that are bigger than my body--things that remind me to look and see and explore and feel and expand. Does that make sense? Some people call it connectedness or one-ness; others call it the Spirit or divine kinship; I don't know what to call it, other than it always feels like I'm heavy and light and like flying and dancing with all of the molecules in and around me. So--as you so brilliantly stated--I, too, "have a tendency to want to keep all doors open, all options tentative, as long as possible, and as a result, I keep exploring, always wanting to see a new place, share new experiences with people I care about, maintain distant friendships, explore viable ideas..." I think I do those kinds of things to remind myself of what I want to be when I'm my most complete, best self. Rachmaninov gives me that kind of divine confidence every time, whether I'm playing or listening.

"Homesick for heaven, I guess, is wanting to be in the place where all is as it should be (the best "home") and where you feel fully your SELF and realizing that probably won't happen for a long time but not giving up on finding it."

Here are a few things (among so many others) that make me feel like I'm close to Home:

Being with my Tria mates

an empty performance space, pregnant with artisty and history
















first day in Hawaii (January 2010)

Chocolate Truffles

Hangin' with my buddies
















Searching for and writing in beautifully hand-crafted journals

The Wellsville Mountains

And of course, my family, music, poetry, art and all good things in life.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite works by e. e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Thank heaven for those things sent to earth to remind us we are not "human[s] merely being", but that we are sublimely, ultimately divine.