when i remember that i ought to forget those two and a half weeks

• you, standing next to my piano, pretending to peruse old photos on the wall
• grabbing gas station wine
• running for coffee and Hannaford muffins
• smoothing white sheets and white sand and rubbing white sunscreen into our tanning backs
• letting our waitresses and the coffee girls and that sexy artist believe we were a couple from "The City" on holiday
• your fingers tickling the air when you talk
• acknowleding my stony disappointment when you talked about your four-year-long Him
• hating/needing/loving that final dinner together (thank you, Subway) before your four-year-long Him showed up for the opening of our show
• smiling because you're a bitch-of-a-flirt (but so am i) even when your four-year-long Him is around
• trying to assuage your appalled frustration and eventual fuck-its when she re-clumped/re-staged/re-choreographed your show
• your teeth, lined up like tight soldiers
• your arms
• your red swimming briefs
• you
• being late to "lobstah" dinners and being okay with being tardy
• neither of us stopping the rumors that we were show-mancing each other
• letting the rumors fuel fiery undercurrents
• trying to convince myself to keep a difficult boundary
• you, not letting anyone else sit next to me when we all went to the beach to watch 4th-of-july fireworks
• me, not letting anyone else to sit next to you when we all went to the beach to watch 4th-of-july fireworks
• acknowledging i'd let myself have my first crush without feeling any sort of guilt or fear or self-condemnation
• you, telling me i was the only "option" you would've pursued
• me, wishing i could have talked myself into yielding
• now, glad i didn't yield
• missing you so much more than i expected i would
• arguing with myself each time we've communicated since you left
• looking at some lessons learned
• knowing that even though i tripped in the water and probably broke my foot, this day was one of the best and happiest days of my life.  #becauseiknewyou